Never Truly Alone

It's been a long time since my last post and a lot has gone on...well in my eyes it has.

I've been working a lot more at Chili's, getting more shifts, with more responsibility, which allows more time at work and more tips. I'm really just trying to work a lot now so that I can save up my money so I'll have something to come back to when I get back in August.

I went "home," as I like to call it, to Wilmington last week for UNCW's spring break. Just about all of the Sozo staff were leaving to go on mission trips with college teams so I decided that I would take the week off of work and go spend some time with family and friends. Needless to say it was a phenomenal week. That place never ceases to amaze me. The weather was perfection. I spent so much time on the beach. I spent just about every day with one if not all of the youth from Scotts Hill. It was so good and refreshing to be around the students that have so deeply impacted my life over the past two and a half years. It stirred up a lot of emotions and thoughts in my heart about my future and what the Lord has in store. I talked to my roommate Allen about it today and how since I've been in Birmingham I've been able to spend more intimate time with the Lord than ever before, and I'm so thankful for that. Although I will admit that being alone has it's challenges I'm comforted knowing that I'm never truly alone and that my Creator is always living within me, alongside of me, and looking over me. So this intimate time has been a major period of growth along this journey the Lord has placed me on and I'm beyond grateful. But I told Allen, that no matter how much I learn about trust and no matter how much of that trust I place in God I will continue to ponder my future. Not seeking anything in particular, but just wondering. So this time in Wilmington stirred those thoughts up a little bit about what my future with Sozo looks like and what my future with Scotts Hill and/or youth looks like. But they're good thoughts. Allen returned with, "we want you to go where you feel like the Lord is leading you and we will support you in whatever you decide, but try to live out where you are now." And I couldn't agree more...just another way the Lord has provided for me...solid roommates who are chasing after God's heart.

So that being said, I'm more comfortable now doing things on my own. I went to two movies last week by myself. I love going to the park and reading or going in to coffee shops and journaling. This time alone gives me the opportunity to think, reflect, and truly engage in what it is the Lord is calling me to do throughout each day. I strongly encourage anyone who is reading this blog to set aside time if not daily, then weekly, to just be alone. It's challenging to find the time, but the reward is great. The Lord will show up and it allows you to rid yourself of the constant, day-to-day, rush of getting things done. You have time.

I've also been challenged a lot with not just setting an example in a worldly environment, but knowing what is the right time to share the Gospel. Because I fully believe that the Gospel should be shared as often as possible, because that is our mission, "make disciples of ALL nations...," and you do that by telling God's truth and sharing His Gospel. But my challenge is what is the balance between loving someone unconditionally with God's love and telling them that the way they are living their life isn't the way God intended. I'm continuing to pray about this timing as well as the confidence to trust the Lord that He will use my conversations, whatever they may be, to get His truth conveyed to each individual.

Lastly, the Lord teaches me daily new ways to be humble before Him and His people. And a major way that I am learning that is through the desire to feel needed. This goes along with loneliness, but to a different degree. The desire to feel wanted and needed are two different things in my opinion. When you are lonely you have the desire to be wanted by someone or something, in most cases. But when you are proud you have the desire to be needed. The Lord is teaching me that in most cases I'm not needed. I am a tool used by the Most High God in whatever way He has constructed for my life, but He will finish out His will one way or another, whether I'm involved or not. Thankfully I have been "holy, chosen, and loved..." by our God and I have the grace, mercy, and opportunity to be a part of His plan, but I'm not needed and I don't need to feel that I'm needed. This has been a big struggle, especially with the students back home. If the Lord wants and desires to place someone else who will lead these students to the point that they don't have the desire to call or update me on life, then I must trust that is the Lord's plan. He desires for these students to succeed in life by pursuing Him above all else and if that means for me to have been a stepping stone and for them to move on now, may I trust the Lord with that.

I ask for your prayers as I continue to live out my days here in Birmingham until I reach the time to leave for Uganda, that I will be attentive to the Lord. That I will be humbled by His astounding beauty and resounding presence. And that I will constantly fear Him and trust Him in every way He challenges me.

I thank each of you for taking the time to be a part of this journey. May the Lord bless you in your faithfulness.

"There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins."

Ecclesiastes 7:20

"Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgement, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil."

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Carson

Day by Day by Day

Life has continued since I last spoke with you, as you could've guessed.

Work at Chili's still happens.

Sozo preparation occurs constantly.

And my new Birmingham life is always developing into something new.

Before I get to Birmingham, let's start with Charlotte.

I went to Charlotte not this past weekend, but the weekend of the 17th and 18th to surprise the students of Scotts Hill as well as some of the staff members. They were having a retreat consisting of mission/volunteer work at a local church, going to Elevation for Church on Sunday and spending their afternoons and evenings at the Great Wolf Lodge, which was an experience in itself. Ryan was the only one who knew I was going to be there and then Matt found out when I was 10 minutes out. I can't even describe to you how good it was to see the faces of those guys and all the students and just spend some quality time with each of them. I was able to hear about how the Lord has been moving in their lives, but also how they are struggling and what they need prayer for. I was in a room with Ryan, Fletcher, Christian Peoples, Ari, and Christian Baker. STUDS. Incredible times of devotion, pouring out hearts, and completely tearing down walls occurred in the lives of most of those guys and even in Ryan and I. That is what brings me joy. To see the desire of those guys to know the Lord and seek Him above all else, even if that means giving up friendships and relationships that have lasted for years, was absolutely amazing and gave me so much encouragement for the outlook of their lives. The weekend ended and we parted ways, but not before I was able to stay up until 3am the night before and pray and cry and love on those kids with all of my heart. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect glimpse of Wilmington and Scotts Hill. The Lord is FAITHFUL and GOOD.

We focused on Psalm 119:11 which says,

"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."

And the chapter of Psalm 56, which part of it says,

"When I am afraid,

I will trust in you.

In God, whose word I praise,

in God I trust; I will not be afraid.

What can mortal man do to me?"

When I think about the kids of Scotts Hill I can't help but think of Philippians 1:3-12,

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God. Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel."

Since then I've been in Birmingham, offering every day to the Lord and asking Him to move in ways that I cannot imagine. Each day is unique and even when I feel stagnant or complacent the Lord reveals that He IS moving and that I can trust in Him with all of me. I work about 5 or 6 days a week depending on scheduling at Chili's and go over to the Sozo office in my spare time to prepare things for upcoming Spring Break trips and our summer adventures. I just set out about 60 or 70 letters asking friends and family for support. If you are reading this and you didn't receive a letter, please forgive me, there were only so many address I knew. But I ask you to please be praying for me and my team here at Sozo. We are all suffering our own forms of spiritual warfare as we get closer and closer to our journey and it's actually sort of humorous to see the enemy try and tear us down for the good that we are putting forth for the Kingdom. He tries so many different ways to weasel himself into our lives and workplaces and with the help of the Lord, he fails over and over again.

If you would like to send support to our team here at Sozo you can mail it to:

Sozo Children

P. O. Box 382586

Birmingham, AL 35238

and write what you want your support to go to in the MEMO line. Thank you.

But back to Birmingham...I've grown closer to my roommates and some of the other members of the Sozo staff and it's been incredible to see the love the Lord has placed in my heart for the people here. Although I've only known most of them for only a month the Lord continues to pour out His love in my heart for them. I think it's because we all seem to have the same calling and desires on our hearts; to save the lost children of this world from a life of loneliness and shame and introduce them to a life of grace and freedom.

This past weekend I went to Atlanta, GA to visit my good friends Jordan and Alex Sasser. I went to college with Jordan at UNCW and we were roommates for a year. They got married over the summer and moved to Atlanta and have thus started a life full of God's joy and sacrifice for one another. It's a beautiful thing to watch and I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to spend the weekend with them and go to Passion City Church on Sunday, and also on Monday night for the launch of the #72daysforfreedom awareness campaign they are putting in place. Passion has committed to taking action and doing something now to end modern day slavery that is taking place all over the world. There are now over 27 million slaves on this planet, which is more than has ever existed. period. I watched the Christine Caine message this morning actually and was blown away by her passion for saving lives and ending such a tremendous tragedy that is constantly occurring. It gives me the desire to embark on a mission and stop hiding behind my comfort and possessions.

She used John 17:15-19 in her message which says,

"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified."

Which I don't know if I've heard this and just wasn't moved by it, but this scripture hits my core. Jesus has sent us into this world because we are not of this world and we are to be used to reach the darkness and be the light. I loved the story she used about her daughter not being able to see the light from her flashlight in a lighted room. She asked her mom if they could go find some darkness. That is what we should be doing. Seeking out the darkness of this broken world and bring the light that Jesus Christ has given us into it.

I thank you all for taking the time to read what is going on in my life and praying for me and my team. It means a lot. You will be blessed for your goodness to His family.

Faith Tested...Confirmation Recieved

It’s been two weeks in Birmingham now and every step has been one of faith. I’ve questioned the Lord and His plan for my life every day I have been here and each and every time He responds with confirmation that I am exactly where I need to be. For example, last week I was getting really nervous that I wouldn’t be able to find a part time job while I was here for 3 months before I left for Uganda. So I went out one day to look for jobs and the 2^nd place I went to hired me on the spot, without any “in-restaurant” experience I might add, and with the knowledge that I would be leaving in three months for Africa for three months. It was as if the Lord put a silver platter right in front of my nose waiting for me to get a whiff of it.

Not only has God been providing answers to my many doubts and questions, but He has surrounded me with people who love me and that I’m able to love. I’ve had the opportunity to spend some quality time getting to know the staff of Sozo and we just had a retreat this past weekend for all of the summer interns who are going to Uganda. We went up to SIFAT (Servants in Faith and Technology) where they take the knowledge they have and the knowledge of leaders from third world countries and have conferences and seminars that teach these leaders to provide for their communities using very basic and easily accessible resources. For example, they teach them how to use clay that they live on to build an oven that they can cook with. It was really awesome to learn about the connections they are making with people across the world and see how they deeply care about this world and the nations of it. We spent a lot of time doing team building and leadership exercises. It was a great opportunity to see each aspect of our soon to be team and have the chance to bond with one another.

Besides that life is good. I'm trying desperately to stay in touch with my friends and students from back home in Wilmington as well as with my family. I miss them a lot, but trust that if the Lord wants us to meet again, we will. I've been blessed tremendously with an amazing family, friend group, and group of students that I can love on and I'm beyond thankful for them. I pray daily for them as they continue life without me and fully believe that the Lord is doing incredible works in their lives.

It's a little different right now because the Sozo staff is in North Carolina, ironically, for a dinner fundraiser in Winston Salem. I couldn't go because of my new job at Chili's, but this has given me a premium opportunity to be impacted by the Lord with the One Word He has given me for the year, stillness. I've been able to be still and truly hear the Lord speaking into me and my life. I hope and pray that I'm able to be truly impacted by this word as this year progresses and I'm thankful the Lord has already given me opportunities to practice it. Thank you Father.

I look forward to the coming month ahead of planning and preparation for our journey. We've been spending a lot of time getting things together, but as of right now we are working from the home of Suzanne who is one of the founders of Sozo. She is married with a daughter still in high school and it's starting to get a little tough for 8 to 10 people to be working out of her dining room with her family there as well. All that to say we are desperately looking for an office building so that is something we are praying about. We are actually looking in to moving into a former Bahama Breeze (restaurant) building. It's full of open deck space that would be perfect for concert venues and fundraisers as well as opening a coffee shop to raise funds for our homes. We are still praying through it and awaiting the Lord's provision for this area of Sozo. I hope this informed you all a little bit as to what is going on in Birmingham. Thank you for your prayers. I love you all.

The Move

Well it started.

I finally took the leap of faith and moved out to Birmingham, AL to work with Sozo Children. Sozo is a non-profit missions organization that's focus is to save, physically and spiritually, the fatherless of the world. This is something that I've been thinking and praying about since May 2011 and it's finally here. We were in a dinner/staff meeting last night and it seemed so surreal.

I'm in this.

There's no turning back now.

It's been a really good start. I will admit there were a few bumps and a few moments of distress, but the Lord is good and He is so faithful. He allowed me, through the assistance of a few friends and some much need time of stillness, that this is His calling on my life, for the time being, and I have to completely trust Him in that. He has shown me that my days must start and end with Him and without that implemented throughout my life, my days will be extremely rough. Now, there will still be times of struggle, but nothing that amounts up to the feelings that overwhelm you when Christ isn't at your core.

I left Wilmington what will be two weeks ago, Sunday. It was such a hard surrender to offer over to the Lord my friends, family, church, and experiences and move to a foreign place. I will say that I did a fairly good job of containing my emotions while in the town of Wilmington, but once I got on the highway and left the city limits the tears began rolling. Listening to a CD that my best friend made me of some of the most meaningful songs of my college career and meditating on the memories that I've been tremendously blessed to be a part of, I just couldn't contain myself. I went from memory to memory and experience to experience re-living all of them in my head as I embarked on the two hour journey home. They will never be forgotten and it's always encouraging to know that a familiar voice is just a phone/skype call or letter away.

Arriving at home in Greenville, NC for a few days was a much needed time of rest. After rushing to pack up my room at school and say goodbye to everyone that had made an impact on my life in Wilmington I was able to get home and relax. Stillness, which is my one word for the year that I'm using to focus my life and attention more on the Lord, was my experience. While parts of me were racing to get stuff unpacked and then repacked for Birmingham, most of me was able to read letters and notes and remain in a state of solitude. That didn't last long once the weekend arrived and my parents wanted to spend every waking minute with me while I was still at home. It was good being around my parents and basking in the goodness of the home I grew up in.

I left Thursday morning for Birmingham, a ten hour drive. But the Lord blessed me with the most BEAUTIFUL day of driving; the roads were clear, the skies were blue, the weather felt perfect, and I enjoyed every moment of the mixture of blaring music with the windows down, as well as music off and enjoying the warm breeze and the quietness of God's beauty. It amazes me every day that His Almighty power is contained and represented by STILLNESS and QUIET.

The arrival in Birmingham was portrayed just as I envisioned it. I went straight to the office and was welcomed with familiar smiles and warm embraces. This place is filled with the love and joy of Christ and I feel completely blessed to be a part of it. I've started a little bit of work here at the office over the past couple of days and we've begun talking about this summer and what I can expect to experience. This weekend we will be bringing all of the summer interns together to go on a training retreat. It will be full of team building and the opportunity to form relationships with the people we will be spending the entire summer with. I look forward to what the Lord has planned and watching the Holy Spirit move throughout each person as they open their hearts to everyone.

I hope and pray that this blog that I'm starting can keep you updated on how my life is being transformed in the likeness of God, but can also impact your walk with the Lord, not to boost my ego or pride, but for the Glory of Christ and that we can become one.

As it says Acts 1 "All these with one accord were devoting themselves to prayer..."