Never Truly Alone

It's been a long time since my last post and a lot has gone on...well in my eyes it has.

I've been working a lot more at Chili's, getting more shifts, with more responsibility, which allows more time at work and more tips. I'm really just trying to work a lot now so that I can save up my money so I'll have something to come back to when I get back in August.

I went "home," as I like to call it, to Wilmington last week for UNCW's spring break. Just about all of the Sozo staff were leaving to go on mission trips with college teams so I decided that I would take the week off of work and go spend some time with family and friends. Needless to say it was a phenomenal week. That place never ceases to amaze me. The weather was perfection. I spent so much time on the beach. I spent just about every day with one if not all of the youth from Scotts Hill. It was so good and refreshing to be around the students that have so deeply impacted my life over the past two and a half years. It stirred up a lot of emotions and thoughts in my heart about my future and what the Lord has in store. I talked to my roommate Allen about it today and how since I've been in Birmingham I've been able to spend more intimate time with the Lord than ever before, and I'm so thankful for that. Although I will admit that being alone has it's challenges I'm comforted knowing that I'm never truly alone and that my Creator is always living within me, alongside of me, and looking over me. So this intimate time has been a major period of growth along this journey the Lord has placed me on and I'm beyond grateful. But I told Allen, that no matter how much I learn about trust and no matter how much of that trust I place in God I will continue to ponder my future. Not seeking anything in particular, but just wondering. So this time in Wilmington stirred those thoughts up a little bit about what my future with Sozo looks like and what my future with Scotts Hill and/or youth looks like. But they're good thoughts. Allen returned with, "we want you to go where you feel like the Lord is leading you and we will support you in whatever you decide, but try to live out where you are now." And I couldn't agree more...just another way the Lord has provided for me...solid roommates who are chasing after God's heart.

So that being said, I'm more comfortable now doing things on my own. I went to two movies last week by myself. I love going to the park and reading or going in to coffee shops and journaling. This time alone gives me the opportunity to think, reflect, and truly engage in what it is the Lord is calling me to do throughout each day. I strongly encourage anyone who is reading this blog to set aside time if not daily, then weekly, to just be alone. It's challenging to find the time, but the reward is great. The Lord will show up and it allows you to rid yourself of the constant, day-to-day, rush of getting things done. You have time.

I've also been challenged a lot with not just setting an example in a worldly environment, but knowing what is the right time to share the Gospel. Because I fully believe that the Gospel should be shared as often as possible, because that is our mission, "make disciples of ALL nations...," and you do that by telling God's truth and sharing His Gospel. But my challenge is what is the balance between loving someone unconditionally with God's love and telling them that the way they are living their life isn't the way God intended. I'm continuing to pray about this timing as well as the confidence to trust the Lord that He will use my conversations, whatever they may be, to get His truth conveyed to each individual.

Lastly, the Lord teaches me daily new ways to be humble before Him and His people. And a major way that I am learning that is through the desire to feel needed. This goes along with loneliness, but to a different degree. The desire to feel wanted and needed are two different things in my opinion. When you are lonely you have the desire to be wanted by someone or something, in most cases. But when you are proud you have the desire to be needed. The Lord is teaching me that in most cases I'm not needed. I am a tool used by the Most High God in whatever way He has constructed for my life, but He will finish out His will one way or another, whether I'm involved or not. Thankfully I have been "holy, chosen, and loved..." by our God and I have the grace, mercy, and opportunity to be a part of His plan, but I'm not needed and I don't need to feel that I'm needed. This has been a big struggle, especially with the students back home. If the Lord wants and desires to place someone else who will lead these students to the point that they don't have the desire to call or update me on life, then I must trust that is the Lord's plan. He desires for these students to succeed in life by pursuing Him above all else and if that means for me to have been a stepping stone and for them to move on now, may I trust the Lord with that.

I ask for your prayers as I continue to live out my days here in Birmingham until I reach the time to leave for Uganda, that I will be attentive to the Lord. That I will be humbled by His astounding beauty and resounding presence. And that I will constantly fear Him and trust Him in every way He challenges me.

I thank each of you for taking the time to be a part of this journey. May the Lord bless you in your faithfulness.

"There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins."

Ecclesiastes 7:20

"Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgement, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil."

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Carson

Day by Day by Day

Life has continued since I last spoke with you, as you could've guessed.

Work at Chili's still happens.

Sozo preparation occurs constantly.

And my new Birmingham life is always developing into something new.

Before I get to Birmingham, let's start with Charlotte.

I went to Charlotte not this past weekend, but the weekend of the 17th and 18th to surprise the students of Scotts Hill as well as some of the staff members. They were having a retreat consisting of mission/volunteer work at a local church, going to Elevation for Church on Sunday and spending their afternoons and evenings at the Great Wolf Lodge, which was an experience in itself. Ryan was the only one who knew I was going to be there and then Matt found out when I was 10 minutes out. I can't even describe to you how good it was to see the faces of those guys and all the students and just spend some quality time with each of them. I was able to hear about how the Lord has been moving in their lives, but also how they are struggling and what they need prayer for. I was in a room with Ryan, Fletcher, Christian Peoples, Ari, and Christian Baker. STUDS. Incredible times of devotion, pouring out hearts, and completely tearing down walls occurred in the lives of most of those guys and even in Ryan and I. That is what brings me joy. To see the desire of those guys to know the Lord and seek Him above all else, even if that means giving up friendships and relationships that have lasted for years, was absolutely amazing and gave me so much encouragement for the outlook of their lives. The weekend ended and we parted ways, but not before I was able to stay up until 3am the night before and pray and cry and love on those kids with all of my heart. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect glimpse of Wilmington and Scotts Hill. The Lord is FAITHFUL and GOOD.

We focused on Psalm 119:11 which says,

"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."

And the chapter of Psalm 56, which part of it says,

"When I am afraid,

I will trust in you.

In God, whose word I praise,

in God I trust; I will not be afraid.

What can mortal man do to me?"

When I think about the kids of Scotts Hill I can't help but think of Philippians 1:3-12,

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God. Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel."

Since then I've been in Birmingham, offering every day to the Lord and asking Him to move in ways that I cannot imagine. Each day is unique and even when I feel stagnant or complacent the Lord reveals that He IS moving and that I can trust in Him with all of me. I work about 5 or 6 days a week depending on scheduling at Chili's and go over to the Sozo office in my spare time to prepare things for upcoming Spring Break trips and our summer adventures. I just set out about 60 or 70 letters asking friends and family for support. If you are reading this and you didn't receive a letter, please forgive me, there were only so many address I knew. But I ask you to please be praying for me and my team here at Sozo. We are all suffering our own forms of spiritual warfare as we get closer and closer to our journey and it's actually sort of humorous to see the enemy try and tear us down for the good that we are putting forth for the Kingdom. He tries so many different ways to weasel himself into our lives and workplaces and with the help of the Lord, he fails over and over again.

If you would like to send support to our team here at Sozo you can mail it to:

Sozo Children

P. O. Box 382586

Birmingham, AL 35238

and write what you want your support to go to in the MEMO line. Thank you.

But back to Birmingham...I've grown closer to my roommates and some of the other members of the Sozo staff and it's been incredible to see the love the Lord has placed in my heart for the people here. Although I've only known most of them for only a month the Lord continues to pour out His love in my heart for them. I think it's because we all seem to have the same calling and desires on our hearts; to save the lost children of this world from a life of loneliness and shame and introduce them to a life of grace and freedom.

This past weekend I went to Atlanta, GA to visit my good friends Jordan and Alex Sasser. I went to college with Jordan at UNCW and we were roommates for a year. They got married over the summer and moved to Atlanta and have thus started a life full of God's joy and sacrifice for one another. It's a beautiful thing to watch and I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to spend the weekend with them and go to Passion City Church on Sunday, and also on Monday night for the launch of the #72daysforfreedom awareness campaign they are putting in place. Passion has committed to taking action and doing something now to end modern day slavery that is taking place all over the world. There are now over 27 million slaves on this planet, which is more than has ever existed. period. I watched the Christine Caine message this morning actually and was blown away by her passion for saving lives and ending such a tremendous tragedy that is constantly occurring. It gives me the desire to embark on a mission and stop hiding behind my comfort and possessions.

She used John 17:15-19 in her message which says,

"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified."

Which I don't know if I've heard this and just wasn't moved by it, but this scripture hits my core. Jesus has sent us into this world because we are not of this world and we are to be used to reach the darkness and be the light. I loved the story she used about her daughter not being able to see the light from her flashlight in a lighted room. She asked her mom if they could go find some darkness. That is what we should be doing. Seeking out the darkness of this broken world and bring the light that Jesus Christ has given us into it.

I thank you all for taking the time to read what is going on in my life and praying for me and my team. It means a lot. You will be blessed for your goodness to His family.